I know for many of us it is easy to say good bye to a relationship that no longer seems to work. What I mean by easy is that even when you may not be ready to let go of the relationship you come to an understanding that you have to move on. However, although you may physically move on from the relationship, if you have not let the emotional and mental baggage go from the previous relationship you may find yourself dropping those former baggage onto your current mate’s door step.

I had an opportunity to speak with a client of mine who said some very hurtful things to her spouse during the heat of an argument. She did not realize that what she was wrong as her spouse “knew” that was how she dealt with her frustrations. Well to make a long story short I found myself asking her this question, “why do you continue to have your ex-boyfriend sleeping in the bed with your spouse and you?” She paused for a moment and did not understand my question as she was thinking physical. As I probed with her more, she began to see that she was treating her spouse the same way as she did with her former boyfriend. She was “stopping” the hurt before she was actually hurt by her husband. However, she was not stopping any hurt but creating more hurt within her marriage. How you may ask? She was treating and responding to her husband in the exact same way she did her ex-boyfriend who left her.

Without knowing it, my client was reliving her previous relationship with her ex-boyfriend through her current relationship with her husband. As the revelation became more evident to her she realized that she loved her husband and never meant to make those hurtful comments. She finally understood that as long as she kept holding on to the words and behaviors she kept bottled up inside of her from her former relationship, she might have ended up losing her marriage for a man she has no interest in being with. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your mate may have said or did something that reminded you of your previous mate? What was your response? Did you respond to your current mate as you would with your ex or did you take the time to realize that you are in a different relationship with a different person and your actions and responses should be different?

If you are still sleeping with the ex partner within your current relationship, here are a few tips to help you obtain some closure with the former relationship:

1. Let the person “have it”- If you never had the chance to tell your ex how you felt about the relationship write a letter. You will not send the letter off but just write it so that you tell the person how you feel. Once you have gotten all of your emotions up, tear it up and flush it down the toilet.

2. Speak to your current partner- One of the challenges many people face in a relationship especially new ones is letting your mate know what happened to you in the past. If you are in a committed relationship where you feel like the two of you may be in it for the long haul, let your mate know what words and actions annoy you. If you do not tell your mate then how will they know that this is an area of contention for you.

3. Don’t throw yourself under the bus- Don’t beat yourself up if you get into a squabble with your current partner and you find yourself reverting back to your old ways. When you find yourself saying or doing something you may have done with your ex, take a pause for the cause and excuse yourself from the situation. Explain to your mate that you need to leave for a moment so that you will not say or do something that will cause harm to your present relationship. Designate a meeting place and time to share your thoughts with your mate in a non-argumentative manner.

4. Stay committed to your mate- If you believe this is your soul mate and you want to make the relationship work, stay committed to one another through talking and sharing your feelings. Don’t wait until an argument to arrive to complain or air everything out. Most arguments are solved when they are handle as disagreements in the here and now. It is when you hold on to past hurts that may break down the line of communication with your mate. Let old habits be buried so that new habits may spring life into your present relationship.

All in all, in some form or fashion we have all been hurt by an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend that may continue to foster pain within our lives. However, if you choose daily to let those hurts go you will find yourself dwelling less on them. The less hurts you allow to control your thoughts in your present relationship, the more fulfillment and enjoyment you will feel with the mate you are with. So go ahead and kick that ex factor out of your present relationship as your mate and you will benefit from not having the third wheel in your lives.

April Lisbon-Peoples is a growth and development coach who enjoys inspiring her clients to find their life’s purpose through becoming visionaries. She the founder and CEO of Running Your Race, a coaching practice designed for individuals who are ready to awaken their visions and create their destiny.

Lingerie is an integral part of every women’s wardrobe. Whether an undergarment, sexy attire, a fashion statement, or the answer to a comfortable night’s sleep, sexy and intimate lingerie is a part of feminine history, present and past.

Today, lingerie is part of every women’s attire, subtle or sexy. The choice is dependent upon her personality and purpose. Whether she wants to advertise her feminine attributes or simply have adequately supportive undergarments, department stores are filled with everyday generic lingerie. However, if a woman really wants to feel ultimately sexy and unique, she will choose to shop in stores totally dedicated to specialized lingerie and accessories.

Presently, to have lingerie, or not to have lingerie, is a personal choice. However, in the past, what a woman wears is much more than fashion. A lady’s social status depends on how she presents herself. For instance, in the feudal days, peasant women are not allowed to wear high heeled shoes. In fact, doing so is a criminal offense, not simply a blunder of social status.

In contrast, the social elite proudly wear high heels. Even some men don heeled shoes. Supposedly, in an effort to outdo each other, the aristocracy take great pains to have the most unique and personal heeled shoes created. While researching the subject, a picture is displayed of a woman with approximately two-foot heels. In all seriousness, the heels are so high she has to walk with canes in order to maintain balance. In addition, servants walk on either side of the woman to keep her steady and prevent a fall.

Nevertheless, despite the apparently utter stupidity of wearing shoes you are on capable of walking in, the era of the boned corset is not only insane, it has proved fatal. For example, the television show The Little House on the Prairie depicts a time when a slim waistline is the fashion, at all costs. You may have seen other westerns where women will actually brace themselves against another female to pull the corset even tighter.

Unfortunately, the practice is not only extremely uncomfortable, it can be lethal. The extremely tight undergarments will cause a lady to faint, simply because she does not have enough oxygen to her brain. Women are thought to be the frail gender, until a doctor discovers the problem.

Although a physician may recommend not wearing a corset at all, the fashion is to have a tiny waistline at all costs is not easily altered. Unfortunately, at least one case is reported of a woman whose corset is so tight, she impales her liver with one of the whalebones and succumbs to mortal injury.

In the past, a woman may not be able to breathe, her bust may be close to exploding, and she cannot walk independent of aid, but she sure is fashionable. In the present, thank goodness women have come to their senses. Feeling beautiful, feminine, and alluring is impossible when in pain. Fashions and sensual lingerie should be fun, sexy, alluring, playful, and pretty, yet remain comfortable.

Have you ever been asked to do a presentation for a large group of people you have never met?

Does this make you nervous? Well, you are not alone. Practically everybody, from executives to entry-level employees has the butterflies in their stomach over it. Here are some tips on making a presentation from the members of the National speakers Association.

Accept the fear and make it work for you. Most people cannot see your nervousness, so don’t even mention that you are. Use this adrenaline rush of nervous energy by turning it into lots of enthusiasm in your delivery.

Arrive early to your speech location. Do this so that you can check out the microphone, overhead projector or any other technical equipment you will be using. Get familiar with the room. This will put you more at ease before you begin your speech.

Do some deep breathing exercises – most professional speakers do this before their presentations. Shake your hands, do some movement exercise . . .just loosen up.

Speak on what you are passionate about and others need to hear. A passion for your subject will help to dissipate your nerves. “The audience will sense your passion and focus on your message – not your mistakes.

Speak, speak, speak. Speak often. Kill those nerves with lots of speaking experiences. The more you speak the more comfortable you will be with your audiences. It’s like going for the “gold.” Practice, practice, practice!

Know your topic and material. When you really know your stuff, your nerves will lessen. Do not memorize your speech. If you forget a portion, then you increase your stage fright. Just be familiar with your material and have a conversation with your audience.

Mingle with the audience before your speech. It’s helpful to meet and greet people as they come into the room. Then you will have made some new “friends” and be more comfortable with the people in the room.

Know your audience. Do your homework which includes research on the organization hosting your speech. Understand the challenges your audience faces and hit their hot buttons. You don’t want to make remarks that are not sensitive to your particular audience.

Focus on your audience. It is not about you. It is about them. Remember, you are the expert on your topic and have valuable material to share. Be there to help them understand your message and impact their lives in some way.

Prepare and rehearse. The more you practice, the better you will do. Practice for friends, in front of your mirror, for your colleagues. Talk your speech out loud while taking a walk. Remember to use your hand gestures and use facial expressions while you rehearse.

Internet Authors are living in the present? They have to. In fact, any author needs to think about what’s happening now, right now, this minute. Whether it’s thinking about how to finish a chapter, or whether their character suddenly became unbelievable, or how the dialogue sounds. When they’re hunched over their new creation, they need to be there, really be there, in the here and now.

Traditional Publishers, on the other hand, are lurking somewhere in the 1950s, most of them. Some are still back in the ’30s of course, and you can usually tell them by the way they dress and the elaborate and affected manner in which they speak. The majority, however, are there in the days before computers and Elvis Presley. They tend to like large desks, they fill them with parcels and piles of paper, and imagine themselves deciding the future of ‘culture’ in the Western world, with their exquisite taste and rare educated sensibility. Quite specifically, that places them before the advent of mass television and before electronic means of creating text. It also makes them insensible to the growth of the internet, a medium which has made the purchase and dissemination of the written word at once far easier and also less discriminating in its choice of material. The internet allows anyone with a story to reach a readership. Publishers are no longer the Gatekeepers, the people who have the luxury of deciding what the public has the opportunity to read. The readers, those most underestimated people, are now able to make such decisions for themselves.

Which is odd. A canvas of local creative people that I know came back with the assumption that writers live ‘in the future’. The paradox is caused by an assumption that authors are always thinking ahead, whether it’s planning the finale of a novel, or trying to decide which of their many ideas should they bring to life next. Also, once the work is finished, there’s the hard work of selecting a suitable agent or publisher to parcel off the paper and send it to. Then there’s the imagining of what the reaction might be, anticipating the best outcome, and planning how to spend the new-found wealth (really). That’s all fine, and true to a certain extent, but I’d argue that such planning (and predicting) is still based on a keen appreciation of what’s happening now. If the novel is finished, then sure, it starts to hunt for an audience. But that means living in the ‘now’, seeing the book ready and willing to go. If the creator was really addicted to the world to come, then they’d be living there, happy and contented with their dream of success, fame and riches. The book, on the other hand, would never get as far as the Post Office.

There’s another reason that authors to live in the present, and that is that the past is usually a painful and disappointing place to be. That’s certainly true at one level, judging by the vast output of recent books in the ‘Troubled Childhood’ category. There’s plenty of people out there, it seems, who have had traumatic and harrowing younger years. But I was thinking of the more recent past. For most authors, (and that means the 99% who aren’t basking in the affluence of a six figure publishing deal), that consists of trial and effort. Mostly, in fact, failing. Because, strange as it seems considering the humiliation and degradation involved, most would-be writers still feel compelled to go down the route of seeking publication by the ‘tried and trusted’ method of dispatching their hard-wrought efforts out to a publisher’s office. Inevitably, given the immense odds stacked against them, the likelihood is that the parcel is returned, (sometimes unopened, usually unread). That means disappointment, sorrow, dejection. Who’d want to wallow in such bad feelings? Far better, as any self-help guru will advise you, to ‘pick yourself up’, forget the bad experience, and move on. And that journey – moving on from the past – brings you not to the future, but to the present.

In other words, if you want to survive in the creative industries, get used to the idea that yesterday is where you failed and felt bad. Today is where you have to get on with it, finish the next story and post off the last one (maybe for the second, third or fourth time), and tomorrow is where you start a new work and – maybe, if you’re very, incredibly lucky – you will get recognition for all the good stuff you’re doing now. Maybe. That’s one way. One method. There’s another. And that is – forget ‘tradition’ and explore the internet. There you will find companies that will publish your work on a ‘print on demand’ basis and won’t charge you upfront fees. You’ll get published. You’ll see your work in book form and be able to distribute it to your friends. And there’s no grinding, humiliating put-downs involved. It’s here. It’s now. It’s technically hard to believe, but it’s come about and it’s happened. It’s what those of us in the know call ‘the present’.